My favourite part of your story is the use of the words ‘sink down’ as it creates such a powerful image in my mind. I can see that you are making an effort to use descriptive vocabulary, which is great. However, you must make sure that you understand the meaning of a word before you use it in your writing. Rapid describes something moving quickly, whereas the word tentatively describes something moving hesitantly or very carefully. Therefore, using those two words to describe the movement of the creature or object creates a confusing sentence as something cannot move very quickly and very carefully. Do you understand?
Hello Faith,
I liked your presentation featuring the background,images,font and text colour.But I thought that the writing could be improved.by using more alitteration smilles and adjectives. Also dont forget to use the power of 3.
Ahmetcan Akkoyun.:) 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Hello Faith,
I really think it was presented good and I love the great describing words.
I think it`s really powerful and I like your dark shady background with the spooky images!
I love your 50-word deep dark story, as you built up the suspense, which made me want to read the whole thing. I think Miss Ward would love your story and I can see Mr Short already likes your story. I would like it if you wrote horror storys in the future and got them published…
you’d be FAMOUS!
By Hannaa Ijouiher
I really enjoyed your writing.You could of improved it by adding a complex sentence. Your first sentence was brilliant.
(numb.) It really created suspence, other than that it was great!
Hi Faith,
I really liked your post especially at the end because that really scared me. I nearly fainted. As Mr Short said, do not use rapid and tentativley together because it doesn’t make sense.
From: Georgia
Hello Faith,
My favourite part of your story is the use of the words ‘sink down’ as it creates such a powerful image in my mind. I can see that you are making an effort to use descriptive vocabulary, which is great. However, you must make sure that you understand the meaning of a word before you use it in your writing. Rapid describes something moving quickly, whereas the word tentatively describes something moving hesitantly or very carefully. Therefore, using those two words to describe the movement of the creature or object creates a confusing sentence as something cannot move very quickly and very carefully. Do you understand?
Mr Short
Hello Faith,
I liked your presentation featuring the background,images,font and text colour.But I thought that the writing could be improved.by using more alitteration smilles and adjectives. Also dont forget to use the power of 3.
Ahmetcan Akkoyun.:) 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Hello Faith,
I really think it was presented good and I love the great describing words.
I think it`s really powerful and I like your dark shady background with the spooky images!
From:Aaliyah
🙂
Hello Faith,
I love your 50-word deep dark story, as you built up the suspense, which made me want to read the whole thing. I think Miss Ward would love your story and I can see Mr Short already likes your story. I would like it if you wrote horror storys in the future and got them published…
you’d be FAMOUS!
By Hannaa Ijouiher
Hello Faith,
I really enjoyed your writing.You could of improved it by adding a complex sentence. Your first sentence was brilliant.
(numb.) It really created suspence, other than that it was great!
from :Tigris Karadogan
Hi everyone who commented!
I will take in all your advice and use it in the future, so thank you for commenting.
Faith Suika
Hi Faith,
I really liked your post especially at the end because that really scared me. I nearly fainted. As Mr Short said, do not use rapid and tentativley together because it doesn’t make sense.
From: Georgia
Hello
I really liked your font and i enjoyed your 50-word deep dark story.
But next time try to use power of 3 to describe.
By Ibrahim