Hello,
well done melissa you were able to use pictures from google,however I think you should have put a capital for I when you said. I knew i wasn’t alone.
Hello Melissa,
I think your 50 word horror story is fantastic and brilliant with lots of discribing words.
Well Done 🙂
I think I agree with Samiyah that you could use a capital letter for I when you wrote i wasn’t alone at all.
Wiktoria 🙂
I am particularly impressed with the effort you’ve made to include complex sentences. You could remove one or two words to improve the flow of the writing and try not fall into the trap of using obvious statements like ‘I was doomed’ as it removes all the tension and suspense you’ve built up. I’ve edited your work below – what do you think?
I was trembling with fear. My heart beat pounding like the thundering paws of a sprinting cheetah. I was cramped up in one small black box,which had a tiny hole for me to look through into the darkness. I did have a torch, but the battery had failed. Even though no sound came from the darkness, I knew I wasn’t alone.
Hello Melissa,
You have used lots of describing words in your 50-word horror story. I like the bit when you said that your life was doomed. I would love to hear more of this horror story!
Hello everyone,
Thank you for all the kind comments,
I am sure that I should of changed the the i to a I.
I know I should change my story to a better one as Mr Short said.
Thanks for the help! I understood my mistake 🙂
hopefully i would use all of these comments wisely.
Thanks Again
Hello,
well done melissa you were able to use pictures from google,however I think you should have put a capital for I when you said. I knew i wasn’t alone.
fabulous!!!
By Samiyah Ahmed
Hello Melissa,
I think your 50 word horror story is fantastic and brilliant with lots of discribing words.
Well Done 🙂
I think I agree with Samiyah that you could use a capital letter for I when you wrote i wasn’t alone at all.
Wiktoria 🙂
Hi,
That was scary! I almost wet my pants!
By:Joyce
Hello Melissa,
I am particularly impressed with the effort you’ve made to include complex sentences. You could remove one or two words to improve the flow of the writing and try not fall into the trap of using obvious statements like ‘I was doomed’ as it removes all the tension and suspense you’ve built up. I’ve edited your work below – what do you think?
I was trembling with fear. My heart beat pounding like the thundering paws of a sprinting cheetah. I was cramped up in one small black box,which had a tiny hole for me to look through into the darkness. I did have a torch, but the battery had failed. Even though no sound came from the darkness, I knew I wasn’t alone.
Mr Short
Hello Melissa,
You have used lots of describing words in your 50-word horror story. I like the bit when you said that your life was doomed. I would love to hear more of this horror story!
By Premice 🙂
Hello everyone,
Thank you for all the kind comments,
I am sure that I should of changed the the i to a I.
I know I should change my story to a better one as Mr Short said.
Thanks for the help! I understood my mistake 🙂
hopefully i would use all of these comments wisely.
Thanks Again
By Melissa